


Blind Date

by nochick_fics



Series: Blind Date [1]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-12
Updated: 2017-04-14
Packaged: 2018-10-18 01:24:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 20,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10606404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nochick_fics/pseuds/nochick_fics
Summary: When Roy Mustang, an egotistical man-whore, and Edward Elric, a temperamental teen, are set up on a blind date by well-meaning friends, anything can happen.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Another one of my early ones (2007), and the reason that listening to Debbie Gibson makes me smile.

“Just try it, Roy.  You might like it.”

Oh, how those words had gotten him in trouble throughout the years.  The fact of the matter was that there wasn’t much Roy Mustang _didn’t_ like.  Especially when it came to sex.  Women and men, young and old, and every color of the rainbow; it simply didn’t matter. 

The problem was, he was getting bored.  Bored with the same old familiar faces of the countless who’d known the privilege of his touch.  He wanted something different, something new. But this?

“I’ve never been set up before in my _life_ , Riza,” he said. 

“Yeah, and look how that’s working out for you.” 

They were in bedroom of Roy’s apartment.  Riza sat on the bed and watched as Roy was finalizing his look in the mirror.  She constantly joked that she was the only human being in existence who had ever entered the bedroom without succumbing to Roy’s wiles.  It was little wonder; she was a lesbian.  And even though Roy laid claim to converting his fair share of lesbians over the years, Riza was not remotely interested in what he had to offer, aside from his undying devotion as a best friend.

Roy ran his hands through his black hair, taking one last look at the sexiness that was him, before turning around to face her.  “You know, I’d have a lot more respect for you if you would just admit that the real reason you’re doing this is so you have an excuse to talk to your new woman.”

Riza flushed slightly.  Roy found it kind of cute considering she was normally so… butch. 

“Winry is not my woman,” she said indignantly. 

“Yet,” Roy corrected.  He walked over to the bed and stood in front of his oldest and dearest friend. “Well?” he said, gesturing at himself.  “Am I stunning?”

Riza rolled her eyes at Roy’s glaring self-confidence.  “As usual,” she reassured him.

A cocky smirk formed.  “You could have had the pleasure if you weren’t so damn militant.”

Riza stood up and smacked him hard but playfully on the cheek with an open palm.  “Don’t be gross. Now hurry up. Your reservations are for seven.”

After she left him to finish getting ready, Roy turned back to the mirror and gazed at his reflection.   _I’m going on a blind date,_ he thought incredulously.  The whole idea of blind dates reeked of desperation, something Roy Mustang could never be accused of.  It was almost embarrassing, really.  But if nothing else, tonight’s little adventure would provide him a much-needed break from the monotony of fucking and fleeing the scores of men and women who could never seem to get the hint that he’d had his fill and moved on.

Not that he wouldn’t fuck and flee his date tonight, if the opportunity arose.  He most certainly would.  He would try to be on his best behavior for Riza’s sake, but…

Yeah.  No promises whatsoever. 

He fished a folded scrap of paper out of his pocket on which a scribbled name and address were written.  He peered at it through squinted eyes and shook his head.  Riza had the most hideous penmanship on earth, hands down. 

Glancing at his watch, he decided he had better get going.  He was not normally known for his punctuality, since most people would wait for him until the end of time.  But since this person had yet to know the joy of Roy, he found himself actually wanting to make a decent impression by not being late.

“Edward Elric,” he mused.  Interesting name.  Since it was a blind date in the truest sense and he hadn’t yet met or talked to him, he could only imagine what the man would look like.  Roy envisioned someone close to his own height, with dark hair and blue eyes, perhaps.  Something like that would definitely work.  All he knew for certain was that Ed was young, seventeen to be exact.  That didn’t bother him in the least; to Roy, age had absolutely no bearing whatsoever on a person’s potential as a fuckmate. He was legal, and that was good enough.

Resisting a most egocentric urge to wink at his mirror twin, Roy gave himself a final once-over before walking out of the room and leaving to pick up his date, completely oblivious to just how much his life would drastically change over the next twenty-four hours.    
  
*****

“Remind me again why I agreed to this?”

“Because you’re a moody, pissy, sulky brat who scares off every man before they even have a chance to say hello?”

Edward Elric stopped pacing long enough to scowl at his best friend and roommate Winry, who sat on the couch and smiled lovingly at him.

“Thanks,” he muttered. 

“Anytime.”

Resisting a most juvenile urge to stick his tongue out at her, Ed resumed his pacing.  He was nervous.  He _hated_ being nervous.  It was such a stupid, helpless feeling. 

Over the past week, Ed had tried to convince himself that the _only_ reason he agreed to go on the blind date was so Winry could become closer to the woman she liked, since this Roy fellow was her best friend.  Looking at it that way, he was actually doing her a favor--a civic duty of sorts, or so he told himself. 

The reality was that with the exception of Winry, Ed had very few friends, let alone _boyfriends_.  Throughout the years of his brief, teenage life, Ed had alienating others down to an exact science.  In school, he had been known for his rude, abrasive nature and many thought him to be… well… an asshole. 

At a glance, it was hard for many to see how someone like Ed could come across as intimidating.  He was short, barely gracing the realm of five feet.  He had long, blond hair that was forever plaited into a braid and also drew him constant comparisons to women.  But a closer inspection also revealed an automail appendage resided where his right arm and left leg should have been.  It was a most unique prosthesis that, when flaunted menacingly in conjunction with a cold glare from his amber eyes, terrified most people around him.

Better to strike first than to get struck, after all.  That had been his motto since the first time someone had ever called him a “metal freak.”  Subsequently, that was also the _last_ time anyone had ever referred to him as such, at least to his face.  For Winry’s sake, he would _try_ to take his attitude down a notch just for tonight, but…

Yeah.  No promises whatsoever. 

“Now Ed,” Winry began, clearing her throat. 

Ed clenched his teeth.  _Here it comes,_ he thought. 

“Try not to scowl so much.  You’re so handsome when you don’t look like you could kill the world.  Oh, and try not to swear a lot.  Not that Roy doesn’t swear, I’m sure he does, but you just… well, you just tend to do it so _much!_ ”

“Anything else?” he asked, thinking of a few lovingly choice words he could call her at that moment.

Winry looked away in slight embarrassment.  “Well…”

Ed narrowed his eyes at her, knowing full well what she wanted to say.  But fuck it, er, screw it.  He was going to make her say it. 

“Yes?” he inquired patiently.

“Well, it’s just that… you know… you’re going to a really nice restaurant… and…”

“And?”

The young woman, who for years now had frequently been mistaken as Ed’s patient, understanding, and apparently saint-like girlfriend, smiled sweetly at him.  “Well… you know… it’s just that you… tend to eat… with a certain… um… zealousness?”

She shrank back against the couch and waited for detonation.  Of course, Ed wasn’t upset; it was Winry, after all.  And truth be told, she was right.  He did enjoy eating to the point of full-on gluttony and made it into something of a spectator sport. 

“Fine, Winry,” he conceded.  “I promise not to inhale my food.  I won’t belch at the table.  I won’t unbutton my pants.  I won’t pick my nose, and I won’t scratch my balls or my ass.”

“That’s all I ask,” she said solemnly, before cracking a smile.

The doorbell chimed.  Winry jumped up from her seat.

“That’s him!  Good luck.  And _have fun_.  Please?”

She gave him a conspirator’s wink and a thumbs up before bolting into her bedroom.  She actually gave him a thumbs up.  _Who_ gives a thumbs up anymore?  Ed considered it further proof positive that if the girl was any less hot, she’d never get laid because she was dorky as all hell.   And he wouldn’t have her any other way.

The doorbell chimed again.  Heaving a large sigh, Ed trudged over to the door.  He ran a smoothing hand over his hair and sighed again. 

_Please don’t let this suck ass_ , he silently prayed.

Ed opened the door.

_Whoa._

The guy was hot. Really fucking hot. 

A small sliver of hope and anticipation rose in him.  Maybe this blind date wouldn’t suck ass after all--

“Hey there, little guy,” the man said.  “Is your brother home?”

*****

The second those eight fateful words fell from Roy’s mouth, he knew he was fucked.  And not in a way he desired to be. 

He could actually _hear_ someone--Winry, he assumed--gasp from another room. 

The boy looked up at him with eyes that wished him every atrocity known to man.  Even in the midst of being horrified by his own gaffe, Roy noticed his angry eyes were an intense shade of amber unlike anything he’d ever seen before. 

“Edward?” he asked cautiously.

“Yeah.” In stark contrast to the fire-hot intensity of his eyes, Ed’s voice was ice cold. 

Five seconds in and Roy was flustered by a simple misunderstanding. That was unacceptable.  Roy Mustang did _not_ fluster.    
  
Clearing his throat, he turned on the panties/boxers-dropping Mustang charm and prepared to explain his way to forgiveness.

“I’m really sorry about that. I just thought--” was all he had a chance to say.

“I’m short.  I get it.”    
  
Ed stepped out of the doorway and closed the door behind him, forcing Roy to take a step back or risk being trampled.  As he brushed past him, the height difference was astonishingly apparent; it was a miracle that the teenager even came up to his shoulder.  As Ed walked down the hallway, Roy’s gaze naturally fell to the boy’s ass, which was actually quite nice encased in black leather.  Not exactly appropriate attire for their destination, but with an ass like that, Roy was more than willing to forgive.  The hair was also nice, although the braid was a bit girly for Roy’s usual taste in long-haired men.  And what was with the gloves? 

Ed stopped in front of the elevator and waited.

Wait a minute. 

Roy Mustang yielded to _no one_ … even though he just did.  And he certainly never hurried to catch up to anyone… although that was exactly what he was about to do.  And just _why_ , despite the initial faux pas, wasn’t Ed swooning over him?  They _all_ swooned! 

This wasn’t going right at all.

Sighing inwardly, and hoping the evening would come to a fast and painless end, Roy made his way down the hallway to join him.

*****

Ed continued staring straight ahead at the elevator doors, ignoring the man beside him.  He suppressed yet another scowl, irritated that the elevator was taking for-fucking-ever.

It was an innocent mistake.  Ed knew that, deep down.  But still.

Better to strike first than to get struck, he reminded himself.

_No matter how hot he is or how fucking good he smells._  


	2. Chapter 2

After a twenty minute car ride that felt more like an hour, they were being seated at their table.

It was a nice restaurant; four stars, five stars, whatever.  To Roy, it was nothing to get excited over; he never paid any particular attention to these places.  Fine dining was simply one of many items on Roy Mustang’s “Laundry List of Things That Will Get Me Laid.”  He was amazed by how many people had spread for him based solely on dropping the name of a renowned restaurant; one would think they'd never had a decent meal in their lives.

Fifteen words.  Ed had said exactly fifteen words during the car ride over.  Roy knew this because he had asked him exactly fifteen questions.  The mistake was asking him things that required a yes or no answer, because that was all he received. 

_Riza, Riza, Riza, Riza_ , Roy chanted in his mind.  He would suffer this for Riza.  Still, he did feel somewhat disgruntled that he had not yet been forgiven his innocent mistake.  Was a grudge of this magnitude really necessary?

They started with drinks--a soda for Ed and wine for Roy.  He craved something harder and stiffer (well, _that_ too) but had always been a little hard pressed to stop imbibing once he started.  And he had a feeling that a loose tongue around this kid was not a good idea.  They drank in silence, neither of them even bothering to look in each other’s general direction for ten minutes. 

Roy sulked into his glass and finally stole a glance at Ed as he drank. 

Once Roy--who had seeing the attractive qualities in anyone down to an exact science--got past the scowl and the girly hair and the stunted growth, he found that Ed really was quite good looking.  His eyes, the warm, golden color of blaze, were simply amazing.  He found himself wondering what Ed’s hair would look like hanging loosely down his back, around his shoulders, laced between his fingers… And oh, the things that pouty mouths like that could do…

What the hell?  Roy cleared his throat, coming very close to choking on his wine.  This was hardly the time to eye-fuck his extremely pissed off jerk of a blind date.  He turned his eyes to the surrounding tables but found them slowly wandering back to their original target. 

He finally noticed it when Ed took a sip of his soda using a straw; again, not the classiest move in the world, but kind of cute all the same.  What he saw explained why Ed seemed to favor his right side when they were in the car.  And, most likely, why he had chosen to wear gloves.

Between the end of the sleeve of his black, long-sleeved (and pleasantly formfitting, Roy noticed) shirt and the bottom of his glove, Roy saw a dull gleam of metal. 

Ed had an artificial arm.

*****

Ed caught Roy’s eyes trailing up and down the length of his right arm and quickly shoved it under the table on his lap.  He scowled--

_Stop scowling!_ Winry’s voice mentally scolded him. 

\--and resumed drinking with his left hand. 

Roy quickly finished his wine and signaled for another.  Watching him, Ed felt a small twinge of guilt.  He was being a shit and he knew it.  But he also didn’t know if he could stop.

However, for Winry, he would try. 

“I was in… an accident… when I was a kid,” he muttered.

Roy just stared at him, probably shocked as all hell that he had just said more than three words at once, and waiting for him to go on. 

_Fuck._

Ed raised his right hand just over the top of the table briefly before setting it back on his lap.  “I lost my arm.  And my left leg.”

Roy continued staring at him with that blank expression, causing Ed to squirm uncomfortably.  What the fuck was he looking at?

*****

“What the fuck are you looking at?”

Nothing like some good, sound profanity to pull someone out of a trance.  Roy blinked and took a sudden interest in his menu.  “Nothing,” he mumbled… although that wasn’t entirely true.

Just what the fuck _was_ he looking at, anyway? And why was he bothering?  The kid obviously hated him. 

Roy stopped thinking of himself for once and tried to imagine what kind of life Ed must have had growing up with metal limbs.  Kids could be cruel little bastards, whether they meant to be or not, and Ed must have had more than enough hardships to justify his cynical attitude.  

“I was just thinking that it must have been pretty rough growing up with those,” he offered in a low voice. 

It wasn’t a typical bullshit line engineered to charm or woo.  It was simply the truth. He was actually being sincere, God help him. 

Ed frowned. After a moment, he relaxed slightly and shrugged.  It wasn’t forgiveness.  Hell, it wasn’t even a _word_.  But Roy felt immediately better and bit back a smile. 

Ugh.  Roy Mustang did not smile on dates.  For goodness sake, what the hell was wrong with him?

He shoved his face in his menu, shielding himself from Ed’s cool gaze.  He still felt it crawling over him as the young man tried to figure him out.  Hell, he was trying to figure _himself_ out right now.  Not wanting to be rude, he cautiously risked a glance over the menu.

Those eyes.  Roy thought if he wasn’t careful, he could get lost in them… and promptly pushed that damn Debbie Gibson song out of his head.  He would go to his grave before he ever admitted his passion for melodramatic eighties love songs to anyone.

The server approached them to take their order.  When she told them that vichyssoise was the soup de jour, Ed looked to Roy for a definition. 

“It’s a potato and cream soup that’s served… Ed?  What’s wrong?”

*****

Cream?

Ed was willing to forgive him the sinful trespass of mentioning that word in his presence. This one time. 

“Nothing,” he said.  “It’s just that… I’m… lactose intolerant...”

_… meaning that I would rather lay waste to the entire planet than have a drop of that fucking shit touch my lips._

“Oh, okay,” Roy said. “Something else, then?”

Ed scoured the menu.  It seemed almost everything was smothered in a foul cream-based sauce of some sort.  Disgusting.  He eventually ended up settling on steak ( _or_ _do they inject that with cream too?_ ).

After the server left with their menus, leaving them with no means of shielding themselves from one another, Ed decided it wouldn’t kill him to apologize.

“I’m sorry for the way I acted,” he said, tugging at one of the fingers of his right glove. 

“I’m sorry that I offended you,” Roy countered. 

Ed smiled.  And damned if his heart didn’t skip a beat when Roy smiled back at him.

_This date… it might be okay_ , he thought tentatively. 

*****

And it _was_ okay.  More than okay, actually. 

It was _great_ , even.

Until the check came.


	3. Chapter 3

If Ed had been a woman, he would have understood on some level.  To anyone who didn’t have even a fragment of gay bone in their bodies, roles always seemed clearer when a man and woman were involved.

But when the server handed Roy the bill, as if it were a foregone conclusion that he was the one paying and, therefore, the more dominant of the two, Ed couldn’t help but become annoyed. And he was even more annoyed when Roy reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. 

“How much do I owe?” he asked, pulling out his own.

“I’ve got it,” Roy said, plopping a credit card onto the small, black tray and setting it on the edge of the table for the server to retrieve.  “Besides... ” he started, before closing his mouth with a snap.

The scowl was back.  With a vengeance.  “Besides, what?”

“Nothing,” Roy said quickly. 

“No.  Besides, _what?_ ” Ed demanded, a little more loudly than he intended.  A couple at the table next to theirs stared curiously at him.  Ed glared at them, and they immediately--and wisely--turned their attention back to their own conversation.

“What?” he continued, lowering his voice.  “You think I can’t fucking afford it?”

“That’s not it at all, Ed,” Roy said quietly.

Ed could tell by the man’s strained expression that he was trying not to show his embarrassment, but he didn’t care.  Others might like the idea of someone paying their way, but Ed didn’t.  To say he took it as an insult was a drastic understatement. 

“Whatever,” he said, shoving his wallet back into his pocket and looking away.  “Just take me the fuck home.”

*****

And everything had been going so well…

Roy kept his eyes on the road, trying to ignore the waves of anger emanating from the young man in the passenger seat.  They hadn’t said a word to each other since leaving the restaurant and Roy was once again more troubled than he cared to be.

What should he have said?  He really didn’t think it was so out of line to assume that a seventeen-year-old couldn't afford to split that kind of bill.  And even if he could, Roy had always paid for his dates.  _Always._  

Controlling?  Perhaps.  But male or female, that's just the way it was. 

Roy Mustang never went Dutch.  And allowing someone to pay for him?  Blasphemy. 

Turning into Ed’s apartment complex, he pulled into the parking garage and stopped the car in an empty slot.    

“Look, Ed,” Roy said, shutting off the car’s engine.  “About what happened--”

“How much do I owe you?” Ed interrupted, reaching into his wallet.

_This stubborn fucking kid._

“Nothing, I told you.”

Ed pulled out a wad of cash and presented it to Roy.  “And I told _you_ that I’m paying you for my half.  If this doesn’t cover it, tell Winry to tell Riza to tell you.  That way, you don’t have to speak to me again.”

“Ed--”

“Take the goddamn money!”

Roy sighed deeply, trying to maintain his composure.  He was willing to admit he had a few faults--he was arrogant, conceited, selfish, and maybe even a bit of a slut.  But he still didn’t think he deserved being browbeaten by a teenager. 

“I’m not taking your goddamn money,” he spat back.  “Would you just listen to me for one minute?”

Ed threw the money in Roy’s lap and exited the car, slamming the door behind him.

Roy got out of the car, annoyed that he was chasing Ed down yet again. When he caught up with him, he grabbed him by the wrist and spun him around. When he saw the fierce expression in the teen's eyes, he almost took a step back to put some safe distance between them.

“Ed,” Roy said softly. "Would you please talk to me?"

“Why should I?” Ed asked.  “You know what? It doesn't even matter. We did this so that Winry and Riza would have something to talk about and get off their asses and hook up.  And now it’s done, so just leave me the fuck alone.”

“I’m just trying to have a conversation with you,” Roy said, feeling his own anger threatening to erupt.  “If you would stop being a jerk for two seconds and listen to me.”

“ _I’m_  being a jerk?” 

Ed snatched his wrist away and curled his gloved hand into a fist.  Roy didn’t know much about automail, but he couldn’t imagine any scenario in which being hit with it would only hurt a little bit. 

“Right about now, Ed, I’d say you’re the biggest _little_ jerk on the fucking planet,” Roy said calmly, tasting each word.

He regretted it, of course.  But perhaps not as much as he should. Not until he saw the hurt that flashed through Ed’s eyes, immediately followed by what he could only describe as sheer, seething rage. 

“ _Fuck you!_ ” Ed hollered.  “You insensitive fucking prick!  Why don’t you just go find some fucking skank that will let you buy your way into her fucking panties with your fancy restaurants and your pretentious cockmobile, you… you… short-dicked _asshole_!”

_Short-dicked?_

Roy Mustang was a lot of things.  Short-dicked was definitely _not_ one of them.

_Fuck this_ , he thought.  He wanted to do something, something that would shock the little asshole into silence so he could get in a word.  Maybe even two.

Grabbing Ed’s left hand, Roy yanked the boy closer and forced it, open-palmed, against his crotch.

“Does that feel short to you?” he demanded to know. 

The desired effect was achieved. Ed immediately became quiet, his eyes wide open with shock.

Roy gloated to himself, praising his ingenuity.  Now maybe he could…

Maybe he could…

_Oh shit, I'm getting--_

*****

\--hard.

Ed could feel Roy getting hard under his hand. 

He knew he should move it.  His _hand,_ that was. Or something.  But the man’s groin was like a fucking magnet. 

He looked up at Roy.  The man’s face was calm and expressionless, but the hard cock beneath the palm of his hand belied his cool visage. 

So… what to do?  Ed was still irritated as hell with him, but at the moment, that was neither here nor there. Especially since he was becoming pretty fucking turned on himself. 

He could hate him later.  For now, he might as well start--

*****

\--stroking him.

Ed was stroking him through his pants. 

Roy swallowed hard, trying to resist the urge to thrust his hips.  It was almost funny; even now, when all he could think of doing was bending Ed over the hood of his car and fucking the living shit out of him, they were at a stalemate of sorts. 

He stood his ground, trying not to moan while Ed fondled him and trying to decide what his next move should be.  He was still pissed off at the little prick, but for now that was neither here nor there.

Before he could register what was happening, he felt himself being pushed backwards until his back hit the door of his car. Amber eyes that had been so filled with anger before were now equally full of lust. Now that was something Roy could work with. He reached out for Ed's groin... but found his hand being slapped away.

He looked down at him in confusion.  “Why did you do that?”

“Shut up.” 

He felt his pants being unzipped and his cock being freed, and the fact that it was happening in a place where any random person could show up at any random time made it all the more arousing.  Before he could open his mouth to speak again, Ed beat him to the punch by dropping to his knees and damn near swallowing him whole.

_Fuuuuck._

Roy reached out with his hands, meaning to place them on Ed’s head, but instead found his wrists being held down by his sides.  He breathed harshly through his nose and stared down at the top of Ed’s blond, bobbing head, sucking him off with that pouty mouth in a way that was making very short work of his legendary stamina. He closed his eyes and tilted his head back, opening his mouth and letting out his breath in large, silent gasps.  Far past the point of caring, he tried thrusting into Ed’s mouth as much as he could, but was effectively pinned against his car by the teenager, who was much stronger than he looked. 

_Fuck… oh fuck… I’m gonna--_

Suddenly, everything stopped.  Roy opened his eyes, a somewhat painful ache already settling into his cock from neglect. He looked down at Ed, who was staring up at him.  His mouth was glistening wet; Roy believed it was quite possibly one of the sexiest things he’d ever seen in his life. Ed smiled slyly and licked his lips. Roy’s cock, which was _right there_ in his face, throbbed and twitched at the sight of his tongue running over his top and bottom lip. Ed didn't say a thing, he just kept staring at him, watching him _, waiting_ for him… 

Roy immediately understood exactly what Ed was waiting for.  And he hated him for it.

Roy Mustang did not beg for it.  No matter how much he wanted it.

But when Ed stuck out his tongue and ran it up the length of him, slowly dragging it across the tip and licking up the moisture that had pooled there, Roy was done.  Unable to help himself, he squeezed his eyes shut and let out a tortured moan that begged for release. 

Considering that a resounding affirmative, Ed devoured him again.  It wasn’t long before Roy came hard inside of his mouth, so hard that he thought it was quite possible he’d hurt himself as every single muscle in his body contracted.  His knees buckled; it was a wonder he was still able to stand at all.  He clenched his teeth, breathing through his nose, not wanting to give Ed the satisfaction of crying out, even while his body’s shuddering reaction betrayed him.  He felt Ed’s tongue massaging him while he came, urging out every last drop; he felt the back of the young man’s throat convulse repeatedly as he swallowed everything Roy had to give him, and still sucked on him for more.

When he was finally drained, Roy collapsed against the car, feeling himself slide out of Ed’s mouth.  He heard him stand up and chuckle. Jerk.

“You better zip up before someone comes along,” an amused Ed warned him. 

Roy regained enough composure to zip his pants. He glared at Ed, who wore the smug grin of a victor. 

_The little shit._

Yes, Ed was indeed a little shit. But Roy wanted him all the same. “So what now?” he asked, hoping Ed would recognize his question for the invitation it was. 

Without saying a word, Ed walked back to the passenger side of Roy’s car and let himself in.

It was all the answer Roy needed.


	4. Chapter 4

They didn't speak during the car ride.  Roy could hardly keep his eyes on the road as he stole glances at Ed while he drove.  The teen gazed nonchalantly out of the car window as his left hand rested high on his upper thigh, next to what Roy could only describe as an incredibly protruding bulge _most disproportionate_ to the teen’s small frame.   

He was already hard again, and painfully so.  Roy wanted to fuck Ed so badly that it literally hurt, and he considered, more than once, pulling over somewhere secluded and doing just that.  When he imagined how tight and wet that mouth had been wrapped around him, and how much tighter and wetter it would be to fuck his ass…

His foot involuntarily pressed down on the gas pedal.

_Almost there,_ he thought, trying to hold out.

*****

Ed was so fucking horny that he thought he would come all over himself any second.  Back in the parking garage, it was all he could do to stop himself from whipping it out and jerking himself off while he was going down on Roy.  But what had turned him on even more than doing himself was the fact that the man had been absolute putty in his hands… well, his _mouth._   

He had a feeling that Roy Mustang wasn’t used to being handled the way Ed had handled him.  He didn’t have a lot of experience, but he knew the type.  Guys like Roy delighted in being on top of things, no matter the situation, never realizing until it was too late that they had actually been _topped_ themselves.  He thought about the way Roy had tried to force himself deeper into his mouth, moaning for Ed to suck him off…

His cock throbbed achingly against the restricting tight black leather of his pants.

_Just a little bit longer,_ he had thought as Roy drove… and was it just his imagination or had the man actually sped up?  

*****  
  
Ed had just managed to step into the apartment before Roy was on him, pushing the door closed behind him and slamming his back against it.  Roy leaned in to kiss him, but Ed coyly turned his face away before their lips touched, offering his neck instead. 

Slightly miffed but taking what he could get (and making a mental note to hold it against him later), Roy dove forward and began licking and sucking greedily on Ed’s neck, taking in the taste and smell of him. Ed moaned, and he knew he was on the right track. When Ed pressed against him and started a slow, teasing grind against his thigh, Roy moaned right back, unable to help himself. He grabbed the teen’s taut ass in both hands and returned the favor. He was fairly certain that he could have come again just from all that glorious friction, but that was the last thing he wanted to do after giving in so easily before.  

Deciding to take control and redeem himself after his parking garage performance, Roy pulled away and unzipped Ed's pants.  He didn’t even realize he was holding his breath as he pulled everything down in one swift motion and exhaled in surprise. To Roy’s delight, Ed's cock was _definitely_ bigger than his stature would have had him believe.  And it was wet, dear God, it was so fucking wet.  Roy’s own erection twitched, demanding to be let out to join it.   

But first, some serious payback was in order. 

Roy tore his eyes away from Ed’s cock and looked up into his eyes.  Ed watched him carefully, appraising him, almost daring him to go on.  Even now, with his pants pooled around his ankles and his cock throbbing in mid-air, the kid showed some fucking amazing hubris.  It made Roy want to own him all the more.  

He dropped to his knees and slowly lapped at the tip of him.  Ed didn’t make a sound, but Roy felt his hips jerk slightly forward at the sensation.  He did it again, flattening his tongue and running it slowly across the slit, licking up the salty fluid in the process.  He heard a small gasp overhead and smiled to himself.

Taking Ed firmly in hand, Roy slid the tip of Ed’s cock into his mouth and began to suck on it slowly, using his tongue to massage the underside.  He was rewarded with a very audible gasp and held back the urge to smile around him. He brought his arms around Ed’s waist and grabbed onto his ass again.  Gripping him tightly--fuck if the kid didn’t have one of the nicest asses he had ever touched--Roy lowered his mouth as far as it would go, until his lips were being tickled by a patch of blond pubic hair.  Much to Roy’s egotistical pleasure, Ed cried out loudly and grabbed two handfuls of Roy’s black hair, thrusting his hips into the man’s face to drive himself in even deeper. Roy relaxed his throat and took him in, all the way in, with every single thrust.  Ed cried out again and this time Roy did smile, as much as was possible with a cock in his mouth, as Ed came.  And came.  And came even more.  Roy swallowed quickly, almost in self-defense; Ed came so much that he would have otherwise drowned in it. 

Gasping for air, Ed collapsed forward, falling across Roy’s back.  Roy released Ed from his mouth and wrapped his arms around the teen’s lower back… not really sure why he was doing it, but just feeling as if it was the thing to do.  It felt good.  It felt… right. But be that as it may, he couldn’t help but gloat just a little bit at the body draped across him, breathing harshly in recovery. 

“I guess that makes us even,” he muttered, smirking into Ed’s hip. 

The last sound he expected to hear, in the midst of all that breathlessness, was laughter. 

Ed was laughing. Under the present circumstances, Roy realized that there was no way that could be a good thing.

“You think so?” came the raspy reply from above him.

And once again, before Roy could respond, Ed attacked, pushing him to the ground and freeing his cock in record time.

*****

_Smug fucker… ouch._

Ed hissed loudly as he stopped easing himself onto Roy’s cock long enough to adjust to his girth.  Roy had insisted Ed use lube, but the teen refused, instead relying on Roy’s precum and his own saliva to do the trick. It was a tight fit and he would be sore as hell tomorrow, but damned if it wasn't worth the pain.

With a look of grim, stubborn determination, Ed closed his eyes and took in the rest of Roy’s length, adjusting to the feel of him, inside of him, _filling_ him.

“Are you okay?” Roy asked.

He opened his eyes to Roy’s genuinely concerned face, his eyes showing the first true bit of emotion Ed had seen all evening.  He was just so fucking _gorgeous_ … when he wasn’t being a prick. 

“Yeah,” he responded.  And to prove it, he began to roll his hips against Roy’s, driving the man’s cock deeper inside of him.

*****

_Fuck._

_FuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckFUCK._

He was going to have rug burn on his ass tomorrow for sure.  But that vaguely random thought was immediately pushed to the side by the tightness that had him in its grip.

Roy opened his eyes and stared up at Ed, whose eyes were half-closed in rapture.  His forehead glistened with sweat, his cheeks were flushed, and loose blond hair cradled his face.  He was just so fucking _beautiful_ … when he wasn’t being a shit. 

He reached out for Ed’s cock, which was already hard again, but Ed slapped his hand away. 

They would have to discuss this hand slapping business in detail a little bit later.

Instead, Roy settled on grabbing Ed’s hips, guiding him up and down, and back and forth across his cock, arching his back and pushing his hips upward, delighting in the gasps of pleasure that escaped Ed with each thrust. 

He clenched his teeth, trying to prolong the inevitable, but God, it just felt _so fucking good_ inside of Ed that he didn’t know if he could hold it in much longer and goddammit all, he didn’t want to come so soon but Ed was just so fucking tight and wet and feeling himself slide in and out of his ass and the sight of him riding his cock was more than he could bear and.. _shit!_

Forcing Ed to a quick stop, Roy sucked in his breath and grunted, feeling himself on the precipice and trying like hell to settle down before it was too late.  Because his eyes were closed in concentration, he didn’t see what Ed was doing in preparation for what he had planned next, gazing down at him with a lecherous smile and leaning back, way back, getting ready to…

_“Ahhh!!”_

Roy’s eyes snapped open and his muscles clenched as Ed’s finger entered him.  He spread his legs and arched higher to give him better access and immediately hated himself for doing it but fuck if he didn’t love the way it felt having Ed’s finger inside of him. He rocked his hips, up into Ed and then back down onto his finger, again and again until he came for the second time that night, crying out at the top of his lungs and not giving a good god damn about holding it in and saving face. His body fell limp against the floor, his mouth hanging wide open, his eyes all but rolling into the back of his head.  He was vaguely aware of wetness on his stomach and lifted his head to see that Ed was staring down at him, looking at him with those infuriatingly captivating eyes.

_Fuck you, Debbie Gibson._

Roy began to grin, delirious from the afterglow. 

“What’s so funny?” Ed asked, tilting his head and frowning in confusion.  
  
“Nothing,” Roy said, shaking his head.  He reached up and tucked the runaway strands of Ed’s hair behind his ears. “Are you staying?” he asked softly. 

“Of course,” Ed replied with a shrewd smile.  “I’ve got to give you a chance to redeem yourself, after all.”

_The little shit._

***** 

But Roy did not redeem himself.  At least not that night.

Instead, they ordered a pizza and watched bad movies.  And then they played checkers; Ed won.  They played chess; Ed won.  They played heads up poker; Ed won.  They finally played Monopoly; Roy cheated.  Big time. 

And in the midst of it all, _they talked_ , learning more about each other in hours than most do over a span of years.  Amazing how quickly and deeply two people can connect when they finally let down their stubborn guard.

One thing Roy _had_ been able to outlast Ed on was staying awake; the teen had finally fallen asleep on the couch at three in the morning while Roy was regaling him with one of many stories of his awesomeness.  Instead of being annoyed, Roy fetched him a blanket and covered him up.  He was going to go to his own bed, but after taking one look at Ed’s sleeping face, he decided instead to curl up on the floor next to the couch, stopping just short of admitting to himself that he was doing so because he wanted to remain next to him.    
  
He soon regretted this decision an hour later after Ed stepped on him while getting off the couch to go to the bathroom. 

The next thing Roy remembered was waking up later that morning to the sleeping teen lying next to him on the floor with an arm draped across his chest.  His back was killing him, he had to go to the bathroom, and he had rug burn on his ass.

But at that moment, he wouldn’t have moved for anything in the world.

*****

“You didn’t have to walk me to the door,” Ed said.

“Of course, I did.  It’s a date, after all,” Roy informed him. 

Ed snorted.  “Some date.  We argue, almost come to blows… then  _come_ to a blow, then fuck, and _then_ get to know each other.  Seems kinda backwards.”

Roy shrugged.  “Whatever works.  I’ll see you at six?”

“Yeah.  And _I’m_ paying this time.”

Roy sighed. “Fine,” he relented. 

Ed reached up and grabbed Roy’s shirt, pulling him down for a kiss. Their first.

It was tender, soft, and sweet.  It was perfect.  Ed locked his arms around Roy’s neck and pulled him back against the door, moaning into his mouth--

_“Awwwwwwww!!!”_

The two men parted, interrupted by the cries of adoration from the other side of the door.  They both glanced at the peephole and waved at their audience.

“Good morning, Winry,” Roy called out.  “Call me later, Riza.”

_“Sure thing.”_

“I’ll see you tonight,” Roy said, leaving Ed to fend for himself against two very nosy lesbians.

*****

Roy got into his car.  After sneaking a secretive glance around the parking garage, he opened his CD stash and pulled out a case bearing the image of a hard rock hair band. However the disc inside was anything but.

_“I get lost… in your eyes… and I feeeeeeeel… my spirits rise…”_

He pulled out of the garage in his (pretentious cockmobile?) and turned onto the road to home, letting Debbie Gibson serenade him as he thought about the incredible whirlwind that had been his first blind date with Ed. 

Roy Mustang did not give in.

He didn’t chase.

He didn’t compromise.

He didn’t beg for it.

He didn’t bottom (although he hadn’t.  Technically. Yet.)

He didn’t cuddle.

And he didn’t fall in love.  Ever.

... But maybe it was about time that he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where the story was *supposed* to end, but as you're about to find out, that wasn't exactly the case. :-)


	5. Bonus - Anniversary

Roy Mustang regarded his naked twin image with a cocky smirk, finding no fault at all in being somewhat turned on by his own hotness. 

“I am so goddamn sexy,” he concluded, taking a step closer to the full-length mirror and grabbing it by the sides, wondering--not for the first time and most certainly not for the last--what it would be like to make out with himself.

“I hope you realize how lucky you are,” he said, finally acknowledging the other presence in the room. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m the luckiest guy on earth,” Edward Elric replied, stifling a bored yawn and sounding nowhere near as grateful as Roy thought he should have been for the gift of his body that the heavens saw fit to bestow upon him. 

The older man turned away from the mirror and gazed upon the bed at his lover.

His… _boyfriend_.

Yes, the rumors were true.  _The_ Roy Mustang had a boyfriend. Oh, how great was the wailing cry of millions of scorned men and women on the day that particular bit of history-making news became known. 

That Roy Mustang was off the market… truly, it was the end of an era.

“I mean it, Ed,” Roy said solemnly. “You have no idea how many people before you tried and failed to tie me down.”

“So you’re saying I should get tested for an STD then?” Ed quipped, stretching his short, yet amazingly muscular body across Roy’s silk sheets, clad only in those tight black leather pants that left absolutely nothing to the imagination. His long blond hair fanned out around him, adding to the already damn near flawless effect.

Roy stared down at Ed’s writhing body and moaned softly in want and frustration, helpless against the blood that raged into his cock, causing it to spring to life. After a month of dating--and fucking, dear _God_ , so much fucking--he still very much hated the way one look at that tight little body caused him to become rock hard in mere seconds… and that Ed was well aware of the effect he had on him was something Roy hated even more. 

“That smartass little mouth of yours is going to get you into trouble one of these days,” Roy warned, trying to keep his cool even as a more urgent part of him throbbed in excitement.

“Really? What are you gonna do, cut me off?” Ed looked at Roy’s erection and grinned. “Go ahead and try, old man.”

_Old man???_

Just as Roy was contemplating a second round of fucking, one in which he most certainly would pound that shit-eating grin off the teen’s face, he was interrupted by thunderous banging on the door.

“Will you two stop pissing around and get out here?” Riza barked from the other side of Roy’s bedroom door. 

“Coming!” Ed called out, immediately hopping off of the bed. He had no qualms whatsoever about giving Roy a hard time (in more ways than one), but only a fool with a death wish would fuck with Riza Hawkeye.

He walked over to the mirror where Roy (and his hard-on) stood sulking at the missed opportunity. 

“Guess you’ll have to put me in my place later,” Ed said, grabbing onto Roy and stroking him gently. 

“Asshole,” Roy muttered, thrusting into Ed’s closed fist.

With a devious smile, Ed leaned forward and latched onto Roy’s left nipple, teasing it with his tongue. But before Roy could weave his fingers through the teen’s hair, as was his intention, Ed let him go and walked away, causing his body to cry out in anguish.

“Hurry up and get dressed before she kills us,” he said, grabbing his shirt off the floor where it had been carelessly discarded during their frantic fuckathon. Iit was a miracle that it wasn’t torn to shreds, as Roy had been quite  _exuberant_ about stripping him naked. After slipping in his head and arms, he carefully pulled it down over his chiseled stomach, where it clung to him in all the right places. He pulled out his hair and let it cascade over his shoulders and down his back before grabbing his boots and walking to the door.

Ed turned and smiled sweetly at Roy before exiting the room, to the total and utter undoing of the older man's heart. As much as he longed to fuck the hell out of the teen on a regular basis, Roy was even more bowled over by the strange, tingling sensation in his chest, always prompted by such stupid, silly, sweet, and beautiful gestures such as those.

God help him; he really _was_ in love with the little bastard.

*****

They were back at the same restaurant that had started it all in celebration of their one month anniversary, this time as guests of Riza and Winry. Roy had felt that perhaps they were jumping the gun a bit, celebrating a milestone so soon, but Riza emphatically insisted.

“Who knows when you’re gonna fuck this up,” she had stated then in defense of her actions. 

“A toast,” she said now, holding up a glass of wine, “to the oddest fucking couple I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing.”

Winry grinned and nodded in agreement. “Congratulations, guys.”

“Here’s to thirty more days… if you can make it that far,” Riza added.

The embarrassed couple reluctantly clinked glasses with the laughing lesbians. 

“Well, excuse us for not moving in together after the first date,” Roy said, taking a deep drink of wine. 

“Yeah, sorry we can’t all be lesbians,” Ed added, glaring daggers at his best friend. 

“Oh, pish,” Winry said, finishing her glass and, being the lightweight that she was, already well on the way to becoming sloshed. “Being a lesbian has nothing to do with it.”

“Sure it does,” Roy spoke up. “You guys go on one date and co-sign your life away the next day. As a matter of fact, I wouldn’t be surprised at all if you hit us up for sperm tomorrow.”

“Ha!” Riza said, pouring another glass of wine for herself and Winry.

“’Ha’ my ass. You know it’s true. That, and I’d make beautiful babies,” Roy said, offering his glass for a refill.

“God only knows how many of them you’ve got floating around out there,” Winry whispered into her glass.

“Shut up,” Ed snapped at her.

“Don’t talk to her like that,” Riza said.

“Don’t talk to _him_ like that,” Roy countered.

Winry polished off her second glass of wine and followed it with a hiccup and a burp. “Huh?”

“Alright, alright. Let’s not fight,” Riza said. 

“Agreed.” Roy favored his dearest friend with a wink.

“Fine,” Ed added agreeably.

“Huh?” Winry blinked, causing tension-relieving laughter to break out across the table.

“Looks like you’re going to have your work cut out for you tonight, Reez,” Roy said, signaling for the server. 

“Is she always like this when she drinks?” she asked Ed.

“’Fraid so.”

Riza sighed and looked at her dazed and confused woman in reluctant adoration. “Okay, looks like it’ll be coffee from here on out--”

_“Roy???”_

Everyone at the table turned in time to see a ridiculously busty blond woman leave the arm of her date and trot over to them, her humungous chest dangerously close to rendering her unconscious with each step.

“How are you?” she asked, bending over to greet him by grabbing onto the sides of his head and burying his face in her ample chest. “You never called me back,” she said, pouting. 

“Uh… hi… uh… N-N-Nancy?” he stammered, freeing his face and running a nervous hand through his hair.

_“Nikkie,”_ the woman corrected him. “I’d think you wouldn’t have any trouble remembering it as much as you screamed it that night.”

“Nikkie, Nikkie, right, right,” Roy said. “Um… h-how have you been?”

“Missing you,” she said with a lecherous wink. “And your big, fat--”

“Nikkie!” her date called out to her.

“Damn,” Riza said under her breath.

“Uh… huh.” Roy was at a loss.

Nikkie rolled her eyes. “I gotta go. But, I’m serious, Roy-Roy. Call me, sometime.” She leaned over, revealing her medically enhanced tits for all to see one last time. She kissed Roy’s cheek, leaving bright red lipstick on his face, before jogging away to catch up to her date.

“Wow,” Riza said. “You never introduced me to that one.”

“I hardly _remember_ that one,” Roy said shakily. He finally risked a glance at Ed, who glared at him with such an intense look of rage, Roy wanted to cringe from the severity of it.  “Ed,” he started. “I’m sorry.”

“Whatever for, Roy-Roy?” Ed asked. “Letting that slut fuck you up right in front of me or forgetting that I was even _sitting here?_ ”

“I didn’t forget you were there.”

“And I didn’t hear you set her straight.” 

“Hello! Are you ready to order?” the cheerful server approached, unaware that he had just entered a battle zone.

“I didn’t have a chance to!” Roy explained.

“Uh, guys?” Riza butted in, the only one of them painfully aware that they were fast becoming a main spectator event. 

“Well, maybe if you didn’t have your goddamn face in her tits you could have!”

“… I… will… come back… in a few minutes.” The server beat a hasty retreat.

“Huh? What’s going on?” Winry, who had apparently dozed off in the midst of all the excitement, asked sleepily.

“Why are you getting so bent out of shape?” Roy asked.

Riza shook her head at the astounding stupidity of Roy’s query.

“Fuck this. And fuck _you_.” Ed stood up and stormed out of the room.

Winry got up and stumbled after him. 

“Go after him,” Riza advised.

“No, fuck that. I’m not chasing him.” Roy defiantly stood… rather, _sat_ , his ground and glowered. 

“Roy. Babe. He’s your boyfriend. That’s the kind of shit you’re supposed to do for him, especially if you’re in the wrong. Plus… I think he might be expecting you to.”

“Then that’s all the more reason I won’t. I’m not his goddamn puppet. This wasn’t my fault.”

“It’s never your fault, is it? You spend half of your adult life screwing anything that breathes and wonder why the first person in a long time you have real feelings for might be a little insecure about your previous inability to keep your dick in your pants? And somehow _you’re_ the one who’s been slighted?”

“Yes,” Roy said stubbornly.

“You know, you can say what you want about us dykes, but I swear you boys will always corner the market on drama.” Riza sighed sadly and topped off her wine glass. “Happy fucking anniversary.”

*****

_Fucking jerk._

_Fucking goddamn jerk._

_Fucking stupid goddamn jerkass jerkface jerk._

Ed lay on his back and stared up at the ceiling of his bedroom, willing away the sting of tears.

It wasn’t like Roy had summoned her to the table. And it wasn’t like he had asked her to feel him up or come on to him. But still…

It was almost as if he had been waiting, knowing that it was just a matter of time before something like this would happen. Roy had apparently fucked the entire world before they met; it wasn’t unlikely that they would have run into someone he had slept with at some point sooner or later.

But none of that mattered anymore, right? He had Roy now, and as much as they couldn’t keep their hands off each other, Ed knew that he wasn’t screwing around. 

So why, exactly, had it upset him so much to see some bimbo hanging all over him? Hadn’t he gotten over all of his old insecurities, the ones that had almost prevented him from being with Roy in the first place?

_And why didn’t he come after me???_

Ed heard the sound of his bedroom door open and turned over. “I just want to be alone right now, Winry,” he said, in no mood whatsoever to be consoled.

“Yeah, well, tough shit.”

Even though his heart was elated to hear Roy’s voice, Ed’s legendary stubbornness took over. “What are you doing here?” he asked, refusing to turn around to face him.

“Apparently I’m here to answer stupid questions,” Roy said, closing the door behind him. 

“Fuck you.”

Roy walked over to the bed and took a seat on the edge of it. “That too, if the mood warms up.” 

“I’m not one of your fuckin’ floozies who’ll shed their fuckin’ panties just because you think you’re so goddamn clever,” Ed informed him.

“Tell me something I don’t know,” Roy said, leaning back against Ed’s feet, half expecting a good, solid kick in the ass. “Look, Ed,” he started. “Unless you’d like for us to live under a rock for the rest of our lives, chances are we’re always going to run into someone I’ve had sex with. Or someone who knows someone and so on… kinda like the whole six degrees of Kevin Bacon thing, you know. I can’t change that.”

“I know,” Ed muttered into his pillow, loath to admit that Roy's thoughts echoed his own.

“I’m sorry I didn’t say something to what’s-her-face--”

“Nikkie.”

“Whatever. But it wasn’t because I was ashamed of you or anything like that. She honestly just caught me off guard.”

“I know that, too.”

Roy stared down at Ed. “Then why did you get so pissed off at me?”

Ed finally turned around. “Look at me, Roy. I’m short, I’m part… fucking… _metal._  You could have anyone you want. Hell, you’ve already _had_ just about anyone you want. I guess… I guess part of me is waiting for you to realize that and go back to the way you were.”

Roy stared at Ed for a long time without saying a word.  After a few minutes, he finally spoke up.  

“You are the most stubborn, bullheaded, temperamental and moodiest person I’ve ever met in my life. Without a doubt. You get on my last goddamn nerve constantly. But… since I love you… that doesn’t really leave much in the way of options for moving on.”

“... You love me?”

“Of course I do, jackass.”

Ed smiled warmly; it was quite the sight to behold. “Then I guess I love you too… old man.”

“Okay, seriously? We’re going to have to discuss this ‘old man’ business,” Roy said, crawling into the bed and draping his body across Ed’s. “I have to be at least fifty before you start calling me that.”

“Ewww.” Ed grinned, wrapping his arms around Roy’s neck. “In twenty years, I’m going to be fucking a fifty-year-old.”

“Don’t remind me.” Roy pulled up Ed’s shirt and started kissing his stomach. “I only want you, Ed.” He reassured him by taking his hand and guiding it down to his crotch before pushing him back down on the bed. “No one else does that to me except for you... and me,” he added with a smirk.  

He resumed his attention to the delicate skin along the teen’s stomach, gently sucking and licking at him while rubbing him through his pants. Ed moaned and arched his hips into Roy’s touch, his cock already hard and straining against the front of his leather pants.

Roy wasted no time in unzipping Ed’s pants and peeling them off of his body, breathing in the slightly musky smell of him before devouring him whole. 

_“Ah fuck!!”_ Ed exclaimed, grabbing onto Roy’s head and thrusting into his warm mouth, shuddering and jolting as his tongue slid against him.  _“Fuck…. Fuck…. Fuuuuuuck!!!”_

Roy happily obliged him by easing a finger deep inside of him, slowly moving it in rhythm with his mouth. Ed grabbed onto the headboard of the bed and wrapped his short, strong legs around Roy’s neck, raising his hips and pushing his cock as far into Roy’s mouth as he could, hitting the back of the older man’s throat with each pump. Roy slid another finger in and worked him open, sucking Ed’s throbbing cock even harder and faster.

_“Oh… Jesus… FUUUUCK!!!”_

Roy couldn’t help but smile around Ed, savoring the sound of his dirty little fuck-voice, and the cries and moans the teen let out just for him, _because_ of him. Using the hand not presently occupied inside of Ed, Roy rushed to unzip his pants and free his own hard-on. He continued the delicate balancing act of sucking Ed with his mouth, fucking him with his fingers, and stroking his own painfully swollen cock, until Ed finally uttered the words that almost made the older man come all at once:

_“Hurry up and fuck me… please…”_

Roy struggled quickly to get out of his pants, at one point almost flinging himself out of the bed, much to Ed’s amusement. After recovering from his near-gaffe and with the teen’s left leg still draped across his shoulder, Roy pressed forward, working his way inside of Ed. It took all of his willpower not to begin pounding relentlessly, even though that was exactly what Ed wanted him to do, opting instead to savor each slow thrust, the warmth and constricting tightness of the body encircling him, the cool automail leg that dug into his back, urging him to go faster, the arms locked around his neck, pulling him into a long, drawn out kiss, the way Ed’s breath came in fits and starts, the way he moaned as if the line between pleasure and pain was blurred and indistinguishable, the way his head was thrown back, eyes closed, face shrouded in ecstasy… all of it, imprinted onto Roy’s mind.

For that one, all too brief moment, it wasn’t about who had the upper hand in this relationship, this never-ending battle of wills; it was about the two of them getting lost in the slow, sweet buildup of friction that threatened to consume them until it became too much to bear.

Ed frantically rammed a hand between their bodies, grabbing onto himself and pumping away in quick, jerky strokes. 

_“Roy… I’m… I’m gonna come… oh… fuck…. I’m gonna fucking come…”_

He arched up and thrust hard into his fist, coating both their abdomens in warmth, shuddering in his release. Roy came immediately after him, ramming himself deep within Ed’s body and collapsing breathlessly on top of him, twitching and quivering until they both finally came down from their high.

“Leg,” Ed muttered. 

“Huh? Oh, sorry.” Roy raised himself up enough for Ed to lower his leg before draping his body across the teen’s once again, kissing him gently on the neck. “Good God,” he managed between breaths. 

“Yeah,” Ed concurred.

“We should argue more often.”

Ed grinned. “Like we don't do it enough... By the way, you do know that next time’ll be _my_ turn, right? ... Roy? _Roy?_ "

With a tired smile, Ed closed his eyes and listened to the sound of his lover’s convenient fake snoring before real sleep overtook him, but not before he made a solemn vow to himself not to let Roy leave his apartment before he was able to have his turn on top...

*****

... which he did the following morning, much to the older man’s reluctant--and _loud_ \--delight, causing such a ruckus that Winry, in her post-alcoholic haze, almost called the cops for fear of being invaded by burglars.

The orgasmically screaming kind of burglars apparently.

And so a new month had begun.


	6. Bonus - Compromise

Edward Elric was in love with a narcissistic slut. 

And he couldn’t have been happier about it.

He and Roy had (just barely, it seemed) made it past the one month mark and were now inching towards three. 

_Three months…_

Not that there weren’t moments when it seemed that not only would they break up, but come to blows as well. Between Ed’s temperament and Roy’s incessant need to flirt with anything that had a pulse, there were plenty of arguments to be had. But in the end, neither of them could stomach the thought of being apart. And, as Winry and Riza so delicately put it:

“No one else would put up with your ignorant asses.”

No truer words had ever been uttered in the history of man. The teen chuckled as he recalled the conversation.

“What are you laughing at?” Roy asked. 

The older man was lying next to him, stretched out on his back and watching TV--some special on VH1 about Debbie Gibson. Ed had long since discovered his boyfriend’s secret obsession with the 80s singer and considered it to be one of his more endearing attributes. For all of his more frustrating traits, it was Roy’s adorable little predilections that won Ed over whenever he thought he had finally reached the limit of his patience with the self-absorbed man.

“Nothing,” he said, moving over to rest his cheek on Roy’s chest, where he could feel the steady thump of the man’s heartbeat against his face. Ed closed his eyes as he felt a hand run up his back, snake through his loose blond hair, and begin rubbing the back of his neck--a small, almost absentminded gesture, yet one that made the teen feel incredibly loved.  And just a teensy bit horny.

It couldn’t be helped. As arrogant as the man was, he really _was_ a goddamn sexy beast. Ed would never go so far as to say such a thing out loud--the man’s ego was overwhelming to the point of ridiculousness as it was--but that didn’t stop it from being true.

He rested his left arm across Roy’s stomach, pushing his shirt up and slowly stroking his side while the show droned on about the “war” between Debbie and another 80s teen sensation named Tiffany. Ed had heard them both and personally preferred the sound of that Tiffany girl, something else he would never admit for fear of Roy’s wrath. 

After a few minutes of playfully fiddling with the man’s sides and stomach, Ed glanced down at the outline of Roy’s arousal straining against the shorts that he wore. He smiled to himself, knowing that he could cause such a reaction in him by doing such a simple thing. He pressed his _own_ reaction against Roy’s thigh and proceeded to slowly grind against him. 

“If you keep humping my leg like that, I’m going to buy you a dog collar,” Roy warned, pausing the television program ( while saying a silent prayer of thanks for the wonder of TiVo) and looking down his chest at his young lover. 

“ _There’s_ something we haven’t done yet,” Ed murmured. He turned his head to stare up at Roy as he ran his hand down the man’s stomach and closed it over his erection. 

“Your cock is leaking,” he marveled, thumbing the wet spot that had formed in Roy's shorts and wallowing in a bit of his own ego.

“Not my fault,” Roy said with a shrug, wrapping his hand around Ed’s and using both to work himself. “This kind of thing is bound to happen when I’m so irresistible that you can’t keep your hands off me.”

Ed chuckled and gave Roy’s cock a playful squeeze. It was hard for him to believe that three months ago such a conceited, me-filled statement would have led to an argument between them. Then again, during those first few weeks, there was precious little they _didn’t_ fight about. 

“I suppose I should get on my knees and count my blessings because I have _the_ Roy Mustang all to myself,” he said, moving their intertwined hands aside and climbing on top of him. 

“I’ve been saying that all along.”

Ed was amazed at the man’s ability to maintain his snark, even as they rubbed against each other. He decided that a little humbling was in order.

He leaned forward and kissed him, hard and deep, wasting no time with gentle pecks and nibbles. He was rewarded with the sound of a sharp intake of breath, followed by a soft moan as Roy recovered from the shock of having his mouth violated by the teen’s skillful tongue. He felt a pair of hands cradle both sides of his head and he quickly pulled them away and held them down firmly; this was _his_ show. He was going to call the shots. 

After a minute of kissing and grinding, generating a most astonishing amount of moisture between them--above _and_ below--Ed broke away and swallowed. The combined look of lust and daring on Roy’s face was almost enough for Ed to drop his guard and if the man continued to gaze up at him like that, then that was exactly what was going to happen. Not that he would have minded; it wouldn’t have been the first time he’d begged Roy to stick it in him and it most certainly wouldn’t be the last. But for now, he wanted the pleasure of _making_ the body beneath him cry out, instead of crying out _because_ of it. 

“Turn around.” Ed’s voice was low, almost a whisper. And it was not a request.

Roy’s eyes narrowed slightly at Ed’s command. After a moment, he merely smirked and slid out of his shorts.  Ed raised up and watched in anticipation as the older man turned over onto his stomach, his cock throbbing hard at the prospect of being inside of Roy. The anxious teen had to force himself to calm down for fear of coming all over the man’s back before he even had a chance to get inside of him. 

Ed draped himself along the length of Roy’s back, easing down his own shorts and kicking them away.  He nuzzled his face against him, sucking and lapping at the back of his neck, running his hands along the smooth skin of his shoulders, thrusting into his lower back. For his own sanity, he wanted to skip past the warm-up; when it came to sex, they were both so insatiable that neither of them really ever required much in the way of foreplay. But more than the almost unbearable thought of sliding in and out of Roy’s body, Ed wanted to _hear_ Roy want it… and that’s where things got interesting.

The man had staunchly refused to make any sort of noise whatsoever when Ed fucked him, not since that first time when he’d cried out to the point of scaring the hell out of Winry. It irritated the hell out of Ed, who wanted to hear the vocalization of Roy’s pleasure at being fucked by him. And so, as with almost every other aspect of their relationship, it had become a battle of wills between them. 

And this time, Ed was determined to win.

He kissed and licked his way down the older man’s back, eliciting a series of shallow gasps beneath him. Then he reached Roy’s ass, which was just… _sheer fucking perfection_ … and decided it was about high time to step things up a notch.

*****

Roy closed his eyes and bit back a smile as he felt Ed grope his ass like he was testing for ripeness. 

The poor kid. He so desperately wanted to make him scream. And, truth be told, he’d had to bite his tongue a few times to keep from doing so. But ever since his somewhat embarrassing display of passion the first time Ed topped him, Roy made up his mind that a little bedroom decorum was in order. 

He was Roy Mustang, after all. And Roy Mustang did not scream at the top of his lungs while getting fucked by his teenaged boyfriend. He most certainly did not. No matter how good it felt.

Well… except for that one time.

“Mmm.”

The moan slipped out as Ed slid his left hand between his cheeks and began rubbing him where it counted. It felt so fucking good; it was all he could do not to start humping the bed. 

But it was okay. Yes, moaning was okay. Harmless even. As opposed to his prior theatrics, a little moan here and there was perfectly accepta-

_“AHHHH!!!”_

Roy’s eyes flew open as he closed his mouth with a snap. 

_What... the hell… was that?_

Well. He _knew_ what it was. It was just something he’d yet to experience from Ed.

The teen’s tongue swiped at him again and he cried out once more in a voice he barely recognized as his own.

_Goddammit!_

“Fuck,” he panted, breathless and shuddering. 

“What was that? I couldn’t hear you for all the yelling.”

Roy didn’t have to look at Ed to know he was grinning ear to ear. “Shut the hell uh… _uhhhh-!!”_  

He buried his face in the pillow to muffle the cries that flew out of his mouth as Ed gripped onto him and frantically licked away at him, sliding in one finger, then two, torn between pushing backwards for more and trying to tear himself away completely. 

It was a quick decision.

Roy raised his hips and grabbed onto his cock which was positively drenched with pre-cum. He began stroking himself fast and hard, no longer giving a damn about anything other than what Ed’s tongue and fingers were doing to him, thrusting into his fist and onto the bed, which was a cold, sticky mess underneath him, so close to coming that he could feel it rising in him and...

... and then his hand, being forced away by an automail death grip and everything coming to a sudden halt.

“What the _fuck??_ ” he snapped, coming up for air and glaring over his shoulder, simultaneously irritated and transfixed by Ed’s angelic smile.

“Settle down,” Ed said sweetly, kissing his right ass cheek and gently patting the left. He moved up Roy’s back and kissed his shoulder, sliding his cock along Roy’s ass until it pressed against his entrance. “I just wanted you to wait for me.”

He used his hands to spread Roy open and began to push his way inside of him…

*****

… using long, slow strokes to penetrate him more deeply with each thrust.

_“Ahhh fuuuuuck.”_ Ed began trembling as felt the older man’s tight, warm body take him in. He was already so close to coming that he could only lie there for a moment and wait, shuddering against Roy’s back and willing himself not to explode inside of him. 

Just when he thought he _might_ be able to hold out for more than a minute, Roy began to gyrate beneath him.

“Stop it or I’m gonna come,” he warned. 

Instead of complying, Roy grabbed onto Ed’s hands and placed them firmly at his hips. “You wanted to fuck me.  _So fuck me_.” 

With those words of encouragement, Ed gripped onto Roy and began pounding hard inside of him, stuffing him, filling him as much as he physically could, burying himself inside of his lover’s warmth and trying madly to stave off the orgasm that was already surfacing.

_“Fuck… Oh fuck… Ohhhhhh… FUUUUUUUCK!!!”_                              

Every muscle in the teen’s body seized as he came hard inside of Roy, so impossibly hard that he thought he might pass out from the sheer force of ecstasy that raced through his body, even more so while feeling Roy tighten around him as the older man came, drenching his hand and the sheets, both of their cries merging into a single scream, swept away in the frenzy of pleasure that overtook them before their muscles finally gave way, spent and exhausted, twitching, trembling, and gasping for air.

Minutes passed before either of them regained any sense of coherence.

“… We’ll call it a draw,” Ed croaked, using the last of his energy to raise his head and kiss Roy’s back.

“Mmmrrn,” Roy muttered into the pillow, using the last of _his_ energy to reach back and pat the blond head resting on his upper back.

And so it was. Ed, who had successfully managed to make Roy cry out to the heavens and Roy, who would never let the teen live down his lack of stamina should he dare mention it--both of them agreeing to call it even.

Relationships _were_ about compromise, after all.

*****

Now showered and somewhat recuperated, Roy resumed his viewing of the Debbie Gibson special, snug between clean sheets and a comforter. “Are you staying over?” he asked.

“I would but I don’t have any other clothes to wear,” Ed said from the bathroom doorway, drying his long hair with a towel.

“Yeah you do. You left an outfit here last week.”

“I did?” 

“Mm-hm. I washed it and hung it in the closet.”

Ed walked over to the closet and opened it. There, hung neatly opposed to Roy’s laughably metrosexual wardrobe, was indeed a change of clothes he’d forgotten entirely about. “Oh. Then I guess I’m staying over.”

“If you would just move your stuff here, you wouldn't have to worry about going home to change.”

Ed turned around, his mouth open in shock. “What?”

“It’s a pain in the ass driving you back and forth. It would just be easier if you didn’t leave,” Roy explained.

A smile bloomed on Ed’s face. He dropped the towel and ran over to the bed, pouncing on top of Roy and sitting on his stomach. “You really want me to move in with you?”

“Gas prices are a bitch,” the older man insisted. 

Ed grinned fiendishly and tapped him on the forehead. “You love me soooooo much!”

“Shut up.” 

“You don’t want to live without me.”

“Go to hell.”

“I can’t believe _the_ Roy Mustang is so whipped.”

“One more word and I swear you’re sleeping on the couch.”

“One word? Just one? Oh, wait. That was like, five or six.” Ed beamed down at Roy, breaking away at his stubborn gaze until he finally cracked.

“You…” the older man started, shaking his head and smiling, in spite of his best attempts at acting pissy. 

“I know,” Ed replied, leaning over and kissing him gently. 

“So… will you?” Roy asked, reaching up and sweeping the teen’s long blond hair away from his face. 

Ed nodded slowly. “Yeah.”  He took Roy’s hand and kissed his palm.

“Good. Now get off me,” Roy demanded, playfully smacking Ed’s cheek. 

“Asshole.” Ed grinned and hoisted himself off of Roy, settling in next to him and taking immeasurable comfort in the arms that wrapped around him. As mind-blowing as the sex was between them, it was moments such as these that Ed treasured most. Nothing, not even a thousand paralyzing orgasms, could compare to the bliss of lying in _the_ Roy Mustang’s arms. 

Despite their differences and disagreements over the pettiest of things, their relationship would only grow stronger from here on out.  

They would argue again, that was a given.  But for now, everything was perfect. Peaceful, even...

… until Ed started humming “I Think We’re Alone Now” by Tiffany and inadvertently started World War III. 


	7. Bonus - The Perfect Gift

“I cannot believe those two are already moving in together,” Winry said, shaking her head over the mystery of it all.

“I know,” Riza grunted. “Awfully _lesbian_ of them, don’t you think?”

The two beautiful blonds shared a laugh over the idea of Roy and Ed’s unimaginable cohabitation as they strolled through the mall, hand in hand, in search of the perfect gift for the two hard-to-please men. Given their collective hotness, they had understandably drawn their fair share of gawking over the past hour, but one deadly gaze from Riza was more than enough to keep the throngs of horny, immature boys at bay. 

And if it wasn’t, she had a .45 tucked safely away in her purse that would easily do the trick.

“Oh! Puppies!” Winry cried out.

Before she could respond, Riza found herself being pulled towards a pet store, where dozens of adorable young pups yapped and frolicked in their respective cages for passers-by. The ladies made their way inside the store and strolled the aisles, taking in every dog, cat, bird, reptile, and rodent in their path. 

“Come on, Winry. Let’s keep looking,” Riza said, wanting to resist the urge to adopt a sibling for Black Hayate. 

On their way out, they happened upon an obscure cage in which two rabbits--one black and one sandy yellow--sat calmly, each watching the other’s every move. Just as they were about to move on, the fluffy black bunny suddenly leapt across the cage and jumped onto the other one’s back, where he proceeded to…

_“Damn.”_  Riza’s eyes bulged in shock. 

Winry was horrified, if slightly mesmerized, by the sight. “I guess… this is what they mean when they say people…do that… like rabbits.”

A helpful store clerk approached them with a smile. “Hi! Is there anything I can help you with--oh my. They’re at it again.” She turned and called out to her co-worker. “Hey, Frannie! Bring me the spray bottle!”

“Again?” Riza asked.

“Yeah.” The clerk blushed and grinned nervously at the couple. “This is why we have to keep them out of plain sight, what with all the kids that come in here.” She leaned forward and lowered her voice. “They’re _constantly_ doing it. And the weird thing is, they’re _both_ males!”

“Both males?” Winry turned to look at her partner. “Hey, Riza. Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Waaaay ahead of you, sweetheart,” Riza replied with a smile, pulling her wallet out of her purse.

*****

_“Oh, Roy… Ohhh… Ohhhhh… Fuck… Fuck yeah… Fuck me harder… Harder… AHHHHH!!!”_

With one last ravaging thrust, Roy came hard into Ed’s ass, filling him to the brim before collapsing across his back. The two men sank down to the bed, breathless and spent, momentarily paralyzed by the force of their climaxes.

A few minutes later, Ed spoke up in a low, husky croak, barely clinging to consciousness. “So... why _the fuck_ did they give us a couple of rabbits?”

Roy nuzzled his cheek against Ed’s neck.  He was quickly growing hard again and entirely too preoccupied with the irresistibly tight ass trembling beneath him to ponder the women's reasoning behind the two newest additions to their home… who were currently giving them a serious run for their money in the next room. 

“No idea,” he muttered, clamping onto Ed’s hips and sliding back inside of him for round two.


	8. Bonus - Thanksgiving Quickie/EVOO/Foolish Beat

_**Thanksgiving Quickie** _

“Whooo! I am _stuffed!_ ”

Ed hunkered down on the couch next to Roy and laid his head on the older man’s shoulder. Roy was barely able to muster enough strength to wrap a lazy arm around him before continuing to succumb to the glorious effects of turkey afterglow. Riza and Winry lounged on the loveseat next to them, dozing in and out of consciousness. Riza held a beer in one hand and occasionally garnered enough awareness to scream random profanities at the football game that droned on in the background.

And, of course, in the next room over, two adorable male rabbits were currently doing it.  _A lot._

“That was the best Thanksgiving dinner I’ve ever had,” Ed cooed sleepily. 

“Damn right it was,” Roy mumbled, smirking proudly. All hubris aside though, he held Ed a little bit tighter, grateful for the compliment. 

Ed reached over to Roy and rested a hand on his chest. “God, you are so fucking conceited.”

“And you _love_ it.”

The teen could only shrug. It was true, as much as he hated to admit it. He playfully tugged at Roy’s shirt until he no longer felt able to expend the amount of energy required to hold it there and it slipped down his chest and past his stomach, coming to sudden, not so surprising halt in his crotch. Realizing that there was now a cock lurking just beneath his palm, Ed cupped and squeezed him gently. Roy moaned and pushed his hips upward, grinding himself against Ed’s hand. 

It was amazing what a little friction could do for coherence. 

“Ed, cut it out!” Roy whispered harshly, casting a fearful eye at Riza… even as he grabbed onto the teen’s wrist to keep his hand right where it was.

“Why? They won't notice.  They're half asleep.” 

Another glance at the women proved him right. Winry was now sleeping soundly while Riza wavered from side to side with her eyes closed, cradling the beer in her hand. Roy had just enough time to wonder if she was going to spill it when he felt his pants being unzipped and a hand slip inside--

“Why Roy Mustang. You’re already hard and wet.”

“Shut up.”

Ed reached inside of Roy’s underwear and grabbed onto him, running his thumb along the head of his cock. He grinned deviously as Roy hissed sharply and bucked his hips. That he could make an arrogant man like him cave under his touch did wonders for his own ego. Yeah, sure, there was the love thing too. But something about knowing he could reduce Roy Mustang to a whimper was positively intoxicating.

“Fuck me,” he whispered, squeezing him again for added emphasis.

“We have company, Ed,” Roy whispered back… not that it stopped him from accepting a handjob in front of said company.

“Come on,” Ed prodded him. “Just bend me over real quick.” He pulled his hand out of Roy’s pants and licked the wetness from his fingers. “Please?” he added, blinking innocently.

_“Tackle his ass, motherfucker!”_ Riza yelled at the television before promptly closing her eyes and lowering her head.

Roy and Ed froze. When the turkey-drunk lesbian seemed to have no further commentary, they breathed a shared sigh of relief. 

“You heard the woman,” Ed said, standing up. He made no effort whatsoever to conceal the outline of the erection that bulged against the front of his pants…

… and Roy made no effort whatsoever to look away. “You _have_ to be quiet,” he warned him.

“What? I can be quiet,” the teen insisted. He took Roy’s hand and pulled him up, leading him past the dozing couple and into their bedroom. 

No sooner than the door had clicked shut did Roy indeed tackle Ed, pushing him against the door and kissing him deeply, gouging his mouth with his tongue. He used one hand to brace the back of Ed’s neck and the other to deftly unzip the teen’s pants--a skill he had honed in many a year of whoredom. 

“ _Now_ who’s wet?” he asked, stroking Ed’s cock with a smug grin.

“Kiss my ass, old man,” Ed moaned, thrusting into his fist.

“Okay.” Roy let go of him and pushed him over to the bed…

***** 

Winry stretched and yawned loudly. She gazed at Riza through tired eyes and smiled. Then she looked around the living room and noticed that they were the only two people present.

“Ed?” she called out, rubbing her eyes. “Roy?”

“Hm?” Riza’s eyes flew open. “Huh? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Winry said. She stood up and stretched again. “I was just calling for Ed and Roy; they’re not here.”

Riza glanced around the room. “They’re probably putting all of the food away. I guess we could go help--”

_(“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!”)_

_(“Shhhh!!!”)_

The two women craned their necks toward the bedroom door, neither of them wanting to believe the muffled sound they just heard was… what it was.

“They’re… not…” Slow dawning horror bloomed on Winry’s face. “ _Are_ they?”

*****

They were.

“Fuck the lube! Just stick it in me!” Ed demanded over his shoulder, hunched over on all fours on top of the bed and almost delirious from want. 

Because Roy had done a lot more than kiss his ass. A _whole_ lot more. 

With a firm grip on Ed’s hips, he slowly started forcing his way in, burying himself deeper with each carefully measured thrust until he was completely submerged in Ed’s tightness. He waited for Ed to adjust to him and when the teen started moving, he remained still, fascinated by the sight of watching himself plunge in and out of Ed’s ass. 

“Ohhh yeeeeeeah… fuuuuuuck... ohhhhhhhhhh!!”

“Shhhhhh!!” 

Roy draped himself across Ed’s back and began fucking him hard and fast. He moved his right hand down around the teen’s waist and jerked him off in tune to his thrusting. Ed buried his face in the pillow beneath him to mute his cries as he moved, launching himself forward into Roy’s fist and back, burrowing himself on his cock, again and again and again until he felt his body slipping over the edge.

“Gonna come,” he warned, wrapping his hand around Roy’s and using them both to stroke himself even faster. _“Oh God I’m gonna come!”_

“Shhhh!!” Roy admonished him, even as he tried desperately to impale him. 

_“Come… gonna…”_

“Be quiet, damn it.” The older man was hardly able to take his own advice as his moans grew louder. 

_“Oh... Ohhhhhhhh--”_

“Ed!” Roy felt Ed’s cock spasm in his hand an instant before it was coated in cum that spurted between his fingers and onto the sheet below.

_“OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH--”_

*****

_(“--HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”)_

Riza and Winry sat paralyzed as Ed’s orgasmic primal screaming finally dissipated, only to be followed by another round of low grunting and groaning. Winry’s face was an assorted variety of reds and pinks whereas Riza’s was ghastly pale. Minutes passed before either of them could bring themselves to speak again. 

“I never… thought it was possible… to feel any gayer than I do right now,” Riza observed.

“I… I… I…” Winry added.

“Yeah,” Riza agreed, taking a sip from her beer. “… I suppose we should do Christmas at our place.  Just to be safe.”

Winry regarded her lover with wide blue eyes. “Do you really think that will keep them from going at it?”

Riza gave the question much consideration. 

“Not a chance in hell.

 

 

**_EVOO_ **

“What the fuck?” Riza snapped at Roy and Ed, wielding a half empty and particularly pricey bottle of extra virgin olive oil. The two men tensed, ready to duck at a moment’s notice should it suddenly become a deadly projectile; with Riza, anything was possible. And likely.  
  
“I just bought this for you last week. How the hell did you go through almost an entire bottle so soon?” she asked, eyeballing her best friend with a steely-eyed glare.  
  
“Well, for your information, My Fair Lesbian, Ed and I have been doing a lot of cooking lately,” Roy explained innocently.  
  
“Is that so?” Riza turned her murderous gaze upon Ed.  
  
_“We ran out of lube and it was all Roy’s idea!_ ” the teen screamed before bolting out of the kitchen and holing up in the bedroom, leaving his poor lover defenseless to the angry woman’s wrath.  
  
“Ed!”  
  
Finding himself now alone on the front line, Roy turned back to Riza and gave her his best fuck-me smile. It had been known to bring many a woman to her knees in the past.  
  
Unfortunately this time around, it didn’t do him a damn bit of good.

 

 

_**Foolish Beat** _

Ed let loose a fresh string of profanities as he unlocked the door to the home that he shared with Roy. Wasn’t it just his fucking luck that he had gotten all the way to the grocery store without his wallet? It was bad enough that the cashier was eyeballing him like he had no business putzing around the place without mommy and daddy--

“Fucking douchebag.”

\--but to leave his wallet home on top of it hadn’t helped matters in the least. Finally managing to wrestle the door open--swearing and key-turning apparently did not mesh well together--the teen stepped inside of the apartment… and stopped dead in his tracks.

“What the hell?”

He cringed as the music bombarded him, assaulting his ears with its disgustingly chipper beat. How he hadn’t heard it before opening the door was beyond him; it was just _that_ loud. As it had from the day he discovered his lover’s rather odd obsession, that girl’s whiny, nasally voice grated his nerves--his very _soul_ , it seemed--like nothing else in this world. Well, she was undoubtedly a woman now; the song itself was older than Ed,  _and_ just as annoying these days as it had surely been when it came out over twenty years ago.

Especially when one’s significant other insisted on playing it _non-fucking-stop._

Ed slammed the front door and stormed through the living room, not that Roy would have even heard his ruckus because that damn shit was so loud. He rounded the corner for the kitchen, which sounded as if it was the source of the evil eighties concoction, and pushed the door open.

“Noooooooo, only in my dreeeeeeeams… As real as it may seeee-eee-eeeem… It was only in my dreeeeeeeams…”

_Oh. My. God._

The teen gawked in disbelief as Roy Mustang, the man, the myth, the legend, (the whore), the veritable epitome of masculinity himself, was hopping and bopping about the kitchen while he sang, and doing both _very_ badly. Had Ed not known any better, he would have sworn that the man was having some sort of full-fledged standing seizure; it was just _that awful._ The singing in and of itself was bad enough; Ed had heard enough of Roy’s shower serenading to know that he would never be asked to record an album anytime soon. But the dancing was without a doubt the most surreal thing that Ed had ever seen in his young life--one part cute… and many, _many_ parts horrifying. Was that exaggeratedly gyrating ass _really_ the same one that he had grabbed onto time and time again while being pounded into the bed and the floor (and the wall, on occasion), seemingly within an inch of his life? It couldn’t be… but yet… dear God… it _was._

Ed slowly backed out of the kitchen before Roy could find out that he had been found out. He made his way into the bedroom and grabbed his wallet off the dresser, far too dazed by what he had just witnessed to take the spray bottle to their two male rabbits, christened Edo and Humper, who were presently going at it all over their shared cage.

He stepped out of the room and eased stealthily toward the front door. He supposed that if nothing else, at least _one_ positive thing would come out of this whole insane experience:

After that most unmanly display of… whatever the fuck, Ed would be the one topping tonight. Period.

The traumatized teen slipped out of the apartment and closed the door quietly behind him, shaking his head and trying his damnedest to forget about the whole ordeal until such a time that he could use it to his advantage. Like tonight. He shoved his wallet into his back pocket and walked away, humming a quaint little tune that sounded somewhat familiar…

“As real as it may seeee-eee-eeeem… It was only in my--oh _GODDAMMIT!!!_ ”

 


	9. Bonus - Kiss and Make Up... and Marry?

“Come on, Ed. Be reasonable, for fuck's sake.”

Roy stepped into the living room behind the furious teen and sighed as he closed the door, realizing the futility of his request. Asking Ed to be reasonable was akin to asking the sun not to shine, neither one simply a matter of doing... although if Roy was a betting man, he would have wagered that he had more of a chance with the sun.

“Ed,” he tried again, following the teen into the bedroom. “Will you _stop_ , damn it?”

Ed spun around and gave the older man a fiery gaze before sitting down on the bed that they had shared for the better part of a year now--had it already been _that long?_ \--and angrily kicking off his shoes. “I don't wanna hear a fucking word you have to say right now,” he growled, furiously working loose his braid. “Not one fucking word.”

“Yeah, well, tough shit.” Roy stood in the doorway and folded his arms, sighing again. “Look, Ed. I can't go through this with you every single time we run into someone I fucked. I mean, did you think I was exaggerating when I said I fucked _a lot_ of people before you? Well, I wasn't.” He ran a frustrated hand through his hair before continuing. “And I don't really think it's fair that I have to keep apologizing to you for things I did _before_ we even met."  
  
“I'm _not_ saying that,” Ed insisted with a scowl. “It's... just that...”  
  
Roy tilted his head and regarded the enigma before him. “Just that what?” he asked.

“... Nothing.”

Ed stared down at his feet, taking shelter in the blond hair that cascaded around his shoulders and hid his face from view. But Roy's attentive eyes caught _that_ movement, which was so subtle and, at a glance, meaningless that someone else would have likely ignored it altogether. He was fairly confident in surmising that by now, he knew Ed better than anyone, so much so that something as seemingly insignificant as the simple adjusting of a glove, specifically a glove on his _right_ hand, would have gone unnoticed by most others, except Winry, perhaps. He felt a sharp tug on his heart as he was reminded of that fated first blind date, when Ed had done the same thing upon Roy's discovery of his automail. Sometimes, especially given that the young man exuded an ungodly stubbornness on a daily basis, it was easy for Roy to forget that there was an insecure kid beneath the facade, one completely oblivious to his own remarkable uniqueness and beauty. And while it was true that, aesthetically speaking, Ed would _not_ have been his first choice all those months ago, Roy couldn't even begin to fathom never having stumbled across the magnificent creature who had now all but ruined him for any other man or woman.

“Ed...”

Roy crossed the room and knelt in front of Ed, taking his gloved hands into his own.

“Whoa, are you proposing to me?” Ed gaped at Roy in disbelief. “I'm not _that_ mad.”

“What the-- _No,_ I'm not proposing to you,” Roy insisted. “I'm trying to make up with your stubborn ass.”

“Oh, okay.”

“And what's with that reaction anyway?” Roy demanded. “Marrying me would be such a bad thing?”

Ed raised an eyebrow in suspicion. “Why do you ask? Do you _want_ to marry me?”

Roy's mouth opened and closed repeatedly in his quest for a suitable answer.

“You look like a fish,” Ed pointed out.

“Well... stop changing the subject,” Roy finally managed.

“Fine,” Ed said.

“Fine,” Roy echoed... before shaking his head at the ridiculousness of it all. “You see, Ed? _This_...” he said, intertwining his fingers with Ed's. “... This is all I'll ever want. You get on my last goddamn nerve, _frequently_ , but I still love you. I love our home... I even love our horny rabbits. I love everything about our life and I would never even dream of giving it up for some random piece of ass from the past, so just hurry up and fucking kiss me before I start singing 'Foolish Beat' all over this bedroom, okay?”

Ed burst out laughing. It was hard not to when faced with the emergence of Roy's inner dork. “Anything but that,” he pleaded, thinking back to the mind-boggling display of bad singing and even worse dancing he had happened upon not too long ago.

After the laughter died down, Ed leaned over and kissed Roy gently on the lips. He broke away and pressed their foreheads together, cringing as the other man peeled off his gloves. Roy smiled at the boy's misplaced bashfulness; it wasn't as if they didn't know every single, solitary inch of the other's body, inside and out. Still, he considered as he pressed a warm and a cool palm against either side of his face, it was just so... _Ed._

He flattened his hand against his lover's chest and trailed it down to his stomach, letting his fingers flit along the firmness beneath the shirt. He smiled again when Ed jerked beneath his touch, knowing full well that he was ticklish--one of the teen's far less frustrating endearments. Roy latched onto the waistband of Ed's pants--

“I can't believe you're using this as an excuse to get into my pants, you dirty old man.”

“I should stop, then?”

“Hell, no.”

\--and unbuttoned them before easing down the zipper, whereupon his skilled digits grazed along a different kind of firmness. Ed gasped and bucked into Roy's touch, and Roy smirked knowingly for one gloriously self-satisfied moment; seeing his effect on the flesh would never get old.

“Arrogant bastard,” the teen mumbled.

“I'm afraid so,” Roy replied with a carefree shrug. “Now raise up, please. That is, unless you _don't_ want your cock in my mouth?”

Ed immediately leaned back on his hands and lifted his hips, and Roy worked his pants and underwear down and off, along with his socks. After tossing aside the bundle of clothing, Roy hooked his arm beneath Ed's right thigh and slung the teen's leg over his shoulder while he spread the other one as wide as it would go. He gazed between Ed's legs and clenched his teeth as own pants became very uncomfortable, very quickly, and _fuck_ did that kid ever get him horny like no one else.

Now that it was freed from the nuisance of clothing, Ed's cock rested against his lower abdomen, hard and eager with a spot of pre-cum forming at the tip. Roy reached out with his free hand and dabbed at it, smoothing it along the sensitive skin of the head and causing Ed to tremble. He then wrapped his entire hand around Ed's shaft and gave it a gentle squeeze, coaxing more of the wetness out of him, and Ed moaned softly, writhing around for more stimulation.

Keeping the young man's cock in his grasp, Roy leaned over and let his tongue drag across the tip, and Ed instinctively grabbed a handful of black hair and thrust upward. Roy turned his head, denying the teen access, and chuckled at the muffled string of expletives that met his ears. He licked the head of Ed' cock once more before taking it into his mouth completely, and this time he didn't resist when Ed thrust again. Roy willed his mouth to go slack as Ed's cock slid along his tongue, stopping only when it hit the back of his throat. He closed his eyes and began sucking him off, sacrificing one sense for the sake of the others--the smell of him and the taste of him, filling his head and making him dizzy with desire, the feel of him throbbing inside of his mouth and sound of his moans, growing louder with each deep thrust. A sudden, startled gasp hit Roy's ears as Ed seized beneath him, and he felt an all too familiar burst of salty warmth fill his mouth. He sucked Ed faster as the teen came hard inside of him, and eagerly swallowed his cum. When Ed was finished, reduced to a trembling heap against the bed, Roy opened his eyes and pulled away from him, and planted a string of kisses along the inside of his thigh.

“That was quick,” he murmured, glancing up him. "And quiet."

“Shut up,” Ed croaked.

Roy grinned and carefully lowered Ed's leg. As much as he wanted to fuck him right now, and _God_ did he ever want to, Roy was also content right where he was, merely watching him lie there, his hair spilling across the bed, his face flushed, his mouth open and panting, and his body, imperfectly perfect, all of it, combining to form a thing of sheer fucking amazement.

The boy was his drug, pure and simple, the only one he would ever want or need.  
  
_Ever._

With a tired grunt--he really _wasn't_ getting any younger--Roy rose to his feet. “I'm going to start dinner,” he said nonchalantly, as if there wasn't a raging hard-on between his legs that would prove to make walking rather difficult.

“Huh? But...” Ed blinked at the older man as he walked--with the suspected difficulty--toward the bedroom door. “What about you?”

“I'll manage for now,” Roy promised him, peering over his shoulder. “But as a word of warning, know that I'm probably going to fuck you into a coma later tonight.”

The sound of Ed's laughter filled the room. “I guess I better rest up then.”

“Good idea,” Roy said. He turned around and grasped the doorknob--

“Roy?”

“Hm?”

“... I wouldn't mind, you know.” Ed's flush deepened as he fidgeted with the bed sheet. “If you asked me...”

A tender smile bloomed across Roy's face and he was thankful that he was facing the door so that Ed couldn't see him.

“You never know, Ed,” he said. “Hell, it'd be worth it just to see you in a wedding dress.”

“You asshole!”

Roy ducked out of the room before a projectile pillow could strike him. Still smiling, he went into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator, nosing around for something he couldn't possibly fuck up.

Marry Ed, huh?

Wouldn't that be something?  



	10. Bonus - Reminisce

“When did I know for sure that I was in love with Roy?” Ed raised a brow at the man sitting beside him while he considered Winry’s question. “I think it was when he grabbed my hand and shoved it between his legs because I told him that he had a small dick.”  
  
“That was our first date,” Roy pointed out.  
  
“That was our first time for a lot of things,” Ed replied slyly.  
  
Roy smirked. “Yes it was.”  
  
“But yeah.” Ed returned his attention to Winry, who was sitting on a chair across from the couch where he and Roy were seated. Riza was sitting on the floor between her legs, with a beer in one hand and Winry’s ankle in the other. “If I had to pinpoint an exact moment, that would be the one.”  
  
“So it was love at first fuck,” Riza concluded before taking a generous swig of beer.  
  
Actually, it was a blow job, but Ed opted not to correct her.  
  
Winry groaned at her girlfriend’s choice of words. “Riza, be nice.”  
  
“This _is_ Riza being nice,” Roy said, grinning. “You’ve been with her long enough to know that by now.”  
  
Ed watched, smiling, as Riza politely invited Roy to do something most obscene with her bottle of beer. In spite of the woman’s unrepentant bluntness and sarcasm, he had it on good authority that she was actually a sweetheart behind closed doors. Of course he would never say such a thing out loud because Winry had revealed Riza’s true nature in confidence. That and he didn’t want Riza to murder him for accusing her of kindness.  
  
But there was one thing that he was curious about.  
  
“You guys didn’t think we would make it past one date, did you?”  
  
“Well, we weren’t sure,” Winry answered, sounding apologetic. “When you opened the door and Roy asked you if your brother was home—”  
  
Riza almost choked on her beer when she started laughing.  
  
“—it didn’t seem very promising. I really wanted the two of you to hit it off, but you were just so pissy all the time and Roy was such a—”  
  
“Ho,” Riza offered.  
  
“—I was just hoping you’d make it through the date without killing each other. But look at you now.”  
  
While Roy and Riza bickered about the degree of Roy’s former ho-ness, Ed leaned into his lover’s side and chuckled as he thought back to the first time he laid eyes on the man that would change his life. He had been so incredibly furious about Roy’s initial reaction to him, which had been no easy feat in the face of so much gorgeousness. And Winry was right; Ed was in a seemingly constant state of agitation back then, due mostly to his insecurity over his automail. The last thing he ever expected was to fall head over heels for the sexy narcissist who had ignorantly called him “little guy” because it never occurred to him that his date was vertically challenged. Nor did he ever dream that the feeling would be mutual. Roy had looked past the attitude and the automail and saw something worth holding onto. Sometimes, even now, Ed couldn’t believe it.  
  
When Roy and Riza were done arguing (Ed was on Riza’s side for this one but for the sake of ever getting laid again that, too, remained unspoken), the two couples continued making small talk until midnight. After Riza and Winry left, Roy and Ed checked on the rabbits one last time—and found them fucking like, well, _rabbits_ —then retired to their bedroom.  
  
“It is hard to believe sometimes,” Ed said as he sat down on the edge of the bed.  
  
“What’s hard to believe?” Roy wanted to know.  
  
“You and me.” The young man removed his hair tie, which sent long blond hair spilling over his shoulders. “We’re still here.”  
  
Roy sat down beside him. He ran his fingers through Ed’s hair, sifting through the locks. “Here is good. I like here. I can’t think of any other place I’d rather be.”  
  
Ed sighed as Roy’s hand moved down his back. He was just _so in love_ with this man. But since he didn’t dare open his mouth to say so lest he launch into an embarrassingly emotional rant, he simply uttered, “Yeah.”  
  
Then Roy was kissing him and words of any kind were no longer necessary.  
  
Roy eased Ed onto his back, stripping off his clothes while gently sucking and licking and biting him all over. Ed tried to do the same but Roy held him and continued his slow oral assault. He fumbled for the lube, trembling and eager to get things moving, and was stunned when Roy suggested that he keep it.  
  
Roy was offering to bottom for him? That was a first. Up until that point, the mere suggestion of switching things in bed had resulted in a fierce battle of wills. Roy wasn’t necessarily against it but boy did he always put up a fight. Ed was already unimaginably turned on; that Roy _wanted_ Ed to fuck him was quickly unraveling what little self-control he had.  
  
As tempting as it was, because fucking Roy was just about the hottest thing ever, Ed shook his head. “Tonight I want…” His voice trailed off, and he could feel the warmth spreading over his blushing face. “I want to feel you… inside me.”  
  
Roy smiled. It wasn’t smug or arrogant (for a change). It was just… sweet. After moving up to kiss Ed one more time, he took the lube and started working him open with slick fingers, one, then two, then three, sliding them in, curling and stretching. When they were both nearly out of their minds with need, Roy quickly undressed, hurriedly tossing his clothes onto the floor. He then rolled Ed onto his stomach and pulled him up by the hips.  
  
Ed clenched his teeth and exhaled sharply as Roy carefully pressed his way inside of him. It stung a bit, it always did, but that was outdone a thousand times over by the sensation of being thoroughly penetrated by the man he loved. Roy lowered his chest across Ed’s back, his cheek coming to rest against a cool metal shoulder. Then, when Ed was ready, he began to move.  
  
“Fuck,” Ed hissed, rocking back to meet each thrust. A while back, he had once cheekily suggested that they count the number of times that particular word escaped his lips when they had sex. The next time, Roy had shocked him by letting him know exactly how many: six. For a while, he had even jokingly rated his performance by the number of fucks he received. The most he ever got was fifteen. It was a good night.  
  
Ed threw back his head, nudging it alongside Roy’s. He reached back with an automail hand and clamped down on Roy’s wrist, urging him harder, deeper, faster. His neglected cock throbbed between his legs while Roy fucked him. He wanted to touch it badly, and he would soon enough. But first there was something else he wanted even more.  
  
“Turn me over,” he managed between groans. “I want to watch you fuck me.”  
  
After Roy did as he was told, Ed spread his legs wide, aching to receive him, his cock now damp with pre-cum and making his lower stomach wet with it. Roy took him again, a thin sheen of sweat on his forehead, his eyes trained on Ed’s face, watching him closely. Ed wrapped his legs around him and bore down, back arching and hips snapping upward. He used his left hand to touch Roy’s face, first sweeping back his hair and then cradling his cheek. Roy took that same hand and guided it down between them, along Ed’s stomach and lower still until Ed understood what he wanted him to do. The older man was close, it was evident in the gradual increase of his movements, and he wanted Ed to come first. Now.  
  
Ed grabbed a hold of his cock and started to stroke, watching Roy watch him get off, his entire being consumed by lust and heat. He held Roy’s gaze as long as he could but it was finally too much and all he could do was cry out while coming all over his chest and stomach. Ed barely had time to come down from his orgasm before Roy hooked his arms around Ed’s legs, buried his face in Ed’s neck, and rocked his body with fierce, almost savage thrusts. Roy’s grunts were muffled but still quite loud, and Ed held him close as he came, kissing him everywhere his lips could reach until the other man’s shuddering subsided.  
  
He gladly supported the weight of the body on top of him, nuzzling against Roy while they both recovered. Eventually, Roy rolled onto his side, his arm lazily coming to rest across Ed’s heaving chest. Ed covered Roy’s hand with his own, their fingers intertwined.  
  
“We’ll need to change the comforter,” Ed rasped when he felt an immense amount of slickness down below.  
  
“Or we can just sleep like this,” Roy suggested. “All gooey and sticky.”  
  
Ed cringed. “So I can pry myself off the damn bed in the morning? No, thank you.”  
  
With a tired grin, Roy moved closer to Ed, resting his chin on top of the young man’s head. “Fine. But not yet.”  
  
For the next few minutes they didn’t speak. Instead, they touched and kissed and reveled in the presence of each other. Ed took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of Roy. Once again he found himself thinking back to that first date and how he had noticed how good Roy smelled during an awkward walk to the elevator.  
  
“Did _you_ think we would make it past one date?” he suddenly asked.  
  
“Are you kidding me?” Roy propped himself up on the arm that was not wrapped possessively around Ed’s chest. “I didn’t think we would even make it past the car ride to the restaurant.”  
  
Ed chuckled softly. “Well, I’m glad you were wrong.”  
  
“Me too.”  
  
They finally got around to showering and fell into bed afterwards, wrapping up in each other under the warmth of a clean comforter and exchanging a sentiment seldom expressed with words.  
  
Ed had no idea what the future had in store for them. But they had already come so far, against all odds and their own conflicting personalities. Because of that, he had no reason to believe that they wouldn’t keep moving forward. Together. Hell, maybe they would even get married one day. They had joked about it in the past but… who knew? Anything was possible.  
  
“Anything,” Ed whispered happily, closing his eyes and allowing the steady thump of Roy’s heartbeat to steer him towards sleep.


	11. Bonus - Evening Stroll

“Damn it, Roy!  I’ve got sand in my fucking shoes!” Ed stomped along the thick sand of the beach, cringing as his feet sank deeply with each step.  “It’s gonna take me all damn night to get this shit out of my automail.”

Roy, who had been wise enough to leave his own shoes back at the car, sighed at his pissy young lover.  “Don’t bitch at me about it,” he said, shoving his hands into his pockets.  “I told you to take them off, didn’t I?  It’s your own fault you’ve got a sand trap in your shoes.”

Ed scowled at Roy’s words.  The truth was a bitch.  Of course he had no intention of admitting that he was at fault.  Besides, Roy was doing a piss poor job of concealing his shit-eating smirk, the one that said he already knew that he was right, and Ed saw no reason whatsoever to confirm it.

“Why the hell are we here anyway?” he asked in an obvious attempt at changing the subject.  “What are you up to, old man?”

“What, I can’t want to take a romantic sunset stroll on the beach with my boyfriend?” Roy looked dramatically affronted.  “Why must you always insist that I’m up to no good?”

The teen grunted in exasperation as grains of sand settled between his toes.  It felt utterly disgusting.  “Because you usually are,” he replied while shaking his right leg furiously, which only made the situation worse.

“You know, you would think that after two years together, you would have a little more faith in me.”

“Are you kidding?  After two years together, I _know_ better.”

Roy chuckled heartily at this, and Ed soon followed suit, the dilemma of his sand-coated feet momentarily forgotten.

That’s right, two years.  The relationship that by all rights should have never lasted two months was two years old, and showing no signs of slowing down.  Ed was now nineteen and halfway through college.  He was a tad bit taller and his hair was even longer, but he was still, indisputably, _Ed_.  Roy was into his thirties now (his vanity dictated that he would still be in his thirties when he was well into his forties) and while he was still convinced that he could have any man or woman in the free world,  it was obvious to anyone who encountered him that he was hopelessly and irrevocably smitten.  Or whipped, as Riza liked to point out.  Frequently.

They had their home, they had their friends, they had their very gay rabbits, and most importantly, they had each other. And all because of that long ago blind date that neither man had wanted to risk.

After the laughter died down, Roy smiled warmly at Ed.

“Come on, take off your shoes,” he said.  “I’ll even be nice and carry them for you… while not reminding you that you should have listened to me in the first place.”

Ed grudgingly relented.  He stopped walking and raised his leg to untie his sneaker.  After barely managing not to fall over while pulling it off, he started in on the other one, hopping about frantically on an automail foot while he struggled with the knot that had formed in the laces.

“Fuck me fucking fuck!”  In the course of his flailing and struggling and cursing, he found himself facing the ocean.  The setting sun lingered over the horizon, rendering the skies a breathtaking medley of varying shades of orange and blue.  In spite of his supposed chagrin at being brought there, it really was a beautiful sight.

Still, Ed felt he would be remiss if he wasn’t griping about it.

“Shit!” After finally removing his right shoe, he gathered them both and shook out whatever sand he could before turning back around to face Roy.  “The next time you want to do this, let’s just stay on the boardwalk so I don’t have to…”

Seldom were the times when Edward Elric was stunned into silence.  Roy almost wished that he had a camera to immortalize the event.  Not that he could have taken a picture anyway, not when he was down on one knee and holding a small jewelry box in one outstretched palm.

“If I had known that this was all it would take to shut you up, I would have done this months ago.”

Ed’s lip quirked briefly at that, but he was still dumbfounded by what he was seeing, his eyes wide with shock.

“Roy…”

“Shh.”  Roy opened the box, revealing a simple yet elegant platinum band.  He had agonized for weeks about the perfect ring for Ed, had contemplated dozens upon dozens of them, but it was only when he heard his partner’s stunned gasp that he felt he could finally relax, that he had chosen well.

He gritted his teeth, swallowed hard, and raised his head.  Looking at Ed, Roy felt a swell of love so monumental that at first he wasn’t sure if he would even be able to speak.  As much as he had pondered rings, he had fretted even more about the actual proposal.  Unfortunately, he couldn’t remember a damn thing that he had wanted to say, not with Ed looking at him in a way that broke apart his insides.  But after taking a minute to search his heart, the words, jumbled as they were, found their way to him.

“Ed, when I met you… I wasn’t expecting this.  I didn’t _want_ this.  But now that I have it, I don’t want to lose it.  I don’t want to lose _you_.  I don’t care if it isn’t legal where we live and I don’t care if it only ever means anything to the two of us and no one else…  I just…” He paused for a moment, overcome, before continuing.  “I’m yours, for the rest of my life… if you can put up with me for that long.  So… will you marry me?”

The silence seemed endless. So much so that Roy was beginning to worry.

Eventually, Ed shook his head in disbelief.

Then he smiled.

“Yes,” he whispered.

His shoes were dropped to the ground, forgotten.  Ed cradled Roy’s face in his hands and smothered him with kisses, right there, out in the open, for God and man and fish to see.  But while Roy was perfectly content to let Ed kiss him forever, there was one small matter that still needed addressed.

“Ed?” he managed under a flurry of eager lips.

“Hm?”

“The ring?”

“Oh, sorry!”

Ed stopped attacking him and presented his left hand.  Roy removed the ring from the box and set the box aside.  He then took Ed by the hand, slid the band onto Ed’s left ring finger--a perfect fit thanks to Winry--and twined their fingers together as he admired it.

“Do you like it?” he asked, peering up at Ed.

“I love it,” Ed assured him.  “…I love _you_.”

It wasn’t often that Ed initiated that particular exchange of sentiment.  “I love you, too,” Roy said, ducking his head and kissing Ed’s hand to hide his pleasure over hearing it first.

After Ed helped him to his feet--without his usual snarky commentary about Roy's age, surprisingly--the two men resumed their walk along the shore, hand in hand, until the sun gave way to the moon.  As they headed back to the car, Roy decided that it was a good time to bring up that _other_ all-important topic that had been lingering on his mind since making the decision to propose, the one cheekily broached when the subject of marriage was first mentioned the year before:

“So about your wedding dress--”

“Go fuck yourself.”

“Yep,” Roy said, nodding.  “That’s just about what I thought.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last of the Blind Date stories, and the one that launched an entirely new multi-chapter fic titled "Rules of Engagement."


End file.
